Regrets.
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Assalamualaikum wbt.
Currently I am staying home in Sungai Petani, Kedah. I am only home for 2 days. But oh boy. How my heart still staying intact, I do not know. Today is my mother's 53rd birthday. Happy Birthday mak. I love with all my heart. I know we had feuds, spats and everything in between. But mak, you are still my sweetheart. My eternal love. Same goes to ayah. Both of you are still my love. Even though I am married, mak ayah, I still love you.
Every time I am home, I see they age. Every time I meet them, I see new lines on their faces. Every time I hold their hand and kissed them on the forehead, I see new gray hairs. I am dumbfounded. My parents are getting old. How could this happen? I feel as it was only yesterday my parents are prepping me for school. Mak tying my hair. Ayah counting coins for lunch money. He would put it on the dinner table next to our breakfast. Mak going frantic in the kitchen while glancing at the clock. Ayah going in and out of the house bringing our bags, our school shoes.
Seems as it was only yesterday my parents sent me to boarding school. Mak helping me folding clothes into the locker. Mak kissing me on the forehead with teary eyes. Ayah smiling at her side while this happen. Seems as it was only yesterday they took the late night express bus from Perlis only to arrive early morning in Puduraya, Kuala Lumpur. And they would take another bus on the same day late night only catch up with work and save money on accommodations. On days where the pays are better, they would rent a room at The Legend hotel near my school and treat me with cakes and sweets.
Seems as it was only yesterday Ayah accompany me back to my school in KL. We took the morning bus only to arrive in KL in the evening. 10 hours journey. Upon reaching school at 6pm, I realised i left my locker key at home. He wasn't even mad at me. He in fact helped me to get to school before 6pm, return to the mall and bought new padlocks and keys. Return back to the school and passed it to me. I still remember seeing his shirt drenched in sweat. How he struggled with the guard to see me cause the guard wouldn't let him. It was already passed 6pm. And I treated him in a very unfair manner. I was cranky, I was moody, I was mad with myself but I let it all out on him. He took it calmly. He understood. But I never was. I was blind.
Seems as it was only yesterday Mak would cook my favourite dish whenever I requested her to. Regardless of how tired, how busy her school works are, she still managed to do it for me. She will make the best out of everything. She would iron my school uniforms, cook for me when ever I had to go back to boarding school when holidays ended. She would take leave, countless times just to see me when she missed me. She would force Ayah to either drive or take bus whenever they had the energy to do it. She would even call the school's public phone requested to talk to me. But I was blind. I only called home once or twice in a week. I forgot they were lonely. I forgot they were aging. I forgot they were missing me.
I grew older. Entered university world. I forgot my parents for a while. I enjoyed freedom. I thought whatever they were protecting me from was freedom. Turns out I was wrong. I couldn't be more wrong. Now I am older, I regret so many things. I wished I didn't do what I did when I was younger. I was blind. Too blind. I made stupid mistakes, stupid decisions. It led me into so many troubles. But Mak and Ayah was there. They supported me. Not even once they said, "We told you that this would happen". Not even once. They knew I was young and reckless. They didn't judge me. They were there. The whole time. They still are.
Now I am leaving. To meet my husband. I am no longer entitled to them. But I somehow wished I had more time. I could do them more good. But all this realisation came after I got married. I see things in a different perspective. Then only I realised how much my parents meant to me. Maybe this is why Allah SWT destined me to get married early. If I'm not, maybe I am still in the hole. My deep, dark hole. Maybe I would still be blind. I am not now. الحمد لله But I wish I could spend more time serving them. Serving my old parents. I am sad that I had to leave so soon. But I know parents are not my obligations anymore. My husband is. But my realisation came a bit late. Now I'm struggling to serve both. And a third party, my in-laws. It is not easy. Not easy to please all especially my own parents. I had to give undivided attention to my husband now. Even so, they still understand. They supported me. They loved me. As much as I was born 24 years ago. It never change. The power of parents. Allah SWT had thrown them His love and it is never ending.
I just wished, I had more time to stay with my parents. 1 week is not enough.
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