Been 7 months now since my husband started his housemanship/house officer ship over at a semi-government hospital here in Kuala Lumpur. One thing in general, houseman is busy. Super duper busy. And insult-proof. I think. His life has changed 300% and upturned 360'. 

As a houseman, he rarely has time for himself. Day offs are often next to impossible, and sick leave will be deducted from their annual leave. So they work all day, every day for the rest of their lives I guess. How could you have time to think about other things like this? He couldn't even care less on his work stuff he brought from the hospital. For the past 7 months, I have found countless small vials with VERY difficult pronunciation, machine-washed and tumble-dried too many pieces of papers still inside his work trousers pockets which basically ended up shredded and destroyed every dark clothing, countless and ever changing stationaries, don't-know-whose stethoscope and mini papers with patients' names and codes, medication dosage and bed numbers - even though I had bought him a mini notebook for this. But well, I guess it's faster to work with mini papers. All he wanted to do once he's home is just one thing - sleep. He didn't even bother about eating. That took a toll on him. He lost 8 kgs in 7 months. What does that tell you ? 

A hospital everyday life is so busy that it imprinted in his head even when he's unconscious. Most days when he had to do 6am-10pm shifts, he would fall asleep at strange places at home. That's why I drive him to work everyday. Couldn't risk him falling asleep behind the steering wheel, am I right? When I tried to wake him up at home, he would mutters some very funny things. Mostly work-related as, "Dah, dah ambil darah patient tu", "Baru lepas intubate", "Yang ni dah boleh discharge" and many moreee. Most things I couldn't catch up because you know, advance medical terms. Dude, sometimes I wish I had a video recorder on so I could show our children in the future this is what their father like hahaha. 

Even now that we no longer had long-distance marriage going on, I do feel as if it is still ongoing sometimes. I work in retail. Trading hours end at 10pm, I had to do closing report, housekeeping, walk to my car, drive home, yadah yadah - it's already 11pm. When I got home, he was already sleeping. The only conversation we had each day would only lasted about 10 minutes, undisturbed.  Most of the other time, we only ever had conversations on iMessage. Which normally would consists of me texting him, and he typically replies 3-4 hours later. Our iMessage conversation thread dated way back when he started his housemanship. 

On those rare days, I do hear him complain about this life. This tiring, medical life. I wasn't in the picture last time when I used to see my friends uploading FB statuses about how hectic housemanship was. Some were annoyed by them, some chose to ignore. I didn't know until I become one of the many spouses. I didn't blame them. I know how tiring it is now. 18 hours shift without eating, barely have time to perform prayers properly and toilet breaks? What is that? On top of that, on-calls. On-call every other day, weekend on-calls, public holiday on-calls. To add some more, with the hate our medical personnel receiving these days, I'd say they're bionics. But some broke down too. And when they broke down, people surrounding (who are not medical personnel mind you) would say, You chose this job. 

Well, if they didn't, would you ? 

Would you chose to stand 10 hours attending to patients without eating and drinking?

Would you chose to sacrifice your weekends? 

Would you want to celebrate Eid at the hospital instead of your family & loved ones?

Would you chose to ignore when your spouse is sick - and tend to other people spouses instead? 

Would you chose to be the last one hearing about family mishaps? 

Would you chose to hurt people around you because your job is too demanding, you couldn't say no?

I could go on and the list would be endless, but the point is, would you? 

As a spouse to a medical personnel, you need to have a strong shield. Your spouse are not to be around most time in your life. Not on weekends, not on public holidays, not on the days you are sick, not on your doctor's follow up, not on your mom's birthday, not on everything. You are just basically what you are. Married. But things are pretty much done solo still. This is where your shield took place. A shield held up and put to test whether it can withstand all things by you. First shield is to not forget God. Pray to Him, ask Him to make you strong and independent. Pray for whatever challenges you face, you are able to get a grip and not let go. 

I do not know what will this journey brings to our relationship as husband and wife. I just pray that once it's over, we could look back, high-fived each other and proudly say, 'We made it.'