We're hitting 6 years this year! Passed the so-called first 5 'tough years' as labelled by the FB folks (spent too much time on FB more than I like these past few months) due to financial instability. Honestly, if 'tough years' were labelled so because of money, they need to sort out their priority. Because in all actuality, the tough scenarios are not often related to money in marriage.

It's true that now you can't  live without money. But, you'll survive with little money in this world today. You're just not that crazy rich as the ones you saw on Instagram showcasing their lives. They are rich, but so are you. Maybe not money rich, but you're rich in something else. Sit back and reflect on your life. You'll eventually find something that's enriching maybe not your life, but maybe others? 

The thing with marriage is, money issues are small. You have so much more issues to endure. Families, in-laws, emotional breakdowns, work that tolls your relationship, distance, SO much more. 

Now that we're hitting 6 years of marriage, we have had so many questions asked - be it children, assets, money, work etc. Prior to 2018, all the questions we're ever asked for is, "When you'll have kids?" Once I was asked by a relative, why haven't I conceive? My cousin was married for few months is already showing baby bump - in the meanest possible tone you could ever imagine. My younger self was often triggered by these kind of questions because honestly, it's not my doing that we have not yet conceived. Humans could only do so much (fun, LOL) work to produce offspring but the fruit of the job is not determined by us. 

Then in 2018, all I was asked is, "What are you doing at home now that you're not working anymore? What a waste. You have no kids, you're not doing anything at home at all. Why quit your job?"

As if they didn't know I quit my job willingly because my husband was being transferred to another state. And as if they didn't know we have done the episodes of long-distance marriage for 4 years  before. And back then, it was in a different country with different timezones. 

And we have had enough of it. It was tiring, time-consuming, emotionally shattering.

I decided to quit my job and follow him because I believe 'rezeki' or rizq, or sustenance is not determined by my job. I might be earning okay back then, but I was whining everyday. I became a very negative person. I'm not pleasant to be around, admitted by my husband himself. I'm not happy at work. I'm constantly on the verge of breaking down. I was tired all the time. The job was terrible even though I loved teaching, loved my students, loved my colleagues. But I do not love the job. I constantly disappeared with fellow colleagues to places away from our cubicles simply because we hated our superiors and the endless unnecessary jobs they kept giving. Until one time, I felt like what I was earning wasn't blessed. My salary disappeared before my eyes and I never felt fully satisfied. I began to feel guilty, and trapped. I can't escape. Then my husband's transfer took place - it's a good opportunity for me to leave that toxic place. 

Now I'm happy. I don't have a job, I'm doing a small business that only earn me a few hundreds a month - only a fraction of what I made previously. But I'm happy. I have nothing to whine about now job-wise. I'm happy I'm always together with Amir now for lunch, dinner, breakfast, weekends, weekdays any days. Although some days I do have some episodes seeing former colleagues and friends earning from their job, enjoying their hard paid work, and missing the feeling of payday, it's fine. It's my choice. 

I'm not staying home just to do nothing, every day I do apply for jobs everywhere. Countless of interviews attended. Just wasn't my 'rezeki' yet. But questions keep piling, as if I am one lazy person staying at home just waiting to be fed like baby birds. We never ran out of money or food to eat. We never starve, and we never begged to others for money either. The concern from people around us sometimes were just purely unnecessary to make me feel like a useless human. 

"No job. No children. Business is just okay, not thriving, not soaring through the roof. You must felt really down with yourself." were some of the things I've encountered this year. But it's fine.

In life, endless questions will be thrown at you, at me, at us. People ask all sort of things. It's our job to filter what necessary and what is not.