بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
اسلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
Typing this, I felt guilt rushing through my veins. I was jealous with her. In fact, I was jealous with a lot of people. Some of my friends were diagnosed pregnant within a few months after their wedding day. Some of them are currently waiting for a second, or a third child. For us, my husband & I, we are still waiting. We wanted a child. I mean, who doesn't? We know three years is a short period to be hoping for a child. Some people waited and gave out their extra effort up until tens of years. I shouldn't feel that way, but I did. And it almost got me into a huge selfish cave. I was selfish with everyone including my husband. The thing was, I was never clarify what I was thinking, what I wanted. I threw tantrums instead.
Until recently he felt sick, and finally opened up to me. He too, was stressed out with everything. Two years housemanship doctor training is coming up but he didn't have any time to revise what he has learnt for the past 7 years. He too, was stressed with me throwing tantrums without reasons. He too, was stressed living in a state where your family kept giving out 'opinions' and 'orders' just because we live under the same roof. All the stress bottling up inside, made him down with severe sickness he's ever had in years. I didn't know.
And little did I know too, the reason behind why Allah swt granted my friends children. What did I know about people's suffering behind the social media curtains? I didn't even know what my husband thinking though he sleeps beside me every night. They might be suffering from something bigger, and Allah swt gifted them with offsprings as an ailment, as a balm. The truth is, in my friend's case, Allah swt made it easy for her to have a child because later, He would take her husband back. But I didn't know.
With my husband and I, should Allah swt did not place us in this condition, I would remain obnoxious and selfish. He placed us in this situation for us to open up to each other. To understand each other. To become an ailment to each other. I did not like the situation we are currently living in, but what do I know? I am not The Planner. Allah swt is. And He, does not break promises. He promised to grant happiness for whoever passed His trials. We will make it so. InsyaAllah, there is no burden too heavy He had decreed for us.
1 comments
Alhamdulillah. Mata berkaca reading the part that you two opened up to each other. --- overreact sangat. HAHAHA
ReplyDeletebut I'm relieved. Tak tau kenapa.
Hopes it will bring goods to two of you.
Semoga the love between you two become stronger with each obstacle.
Dan makin memahami masing2. :'D