Enlighten.: 2013

December 28, 2013 No comments

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Being a wife.

Part 1.

This entry have several parts. Because I still haven't decide what should make of a "Being A Wife". But I miss writing. Hehe. Here goes the entry. Basically when we marry someone, we does not marry him/her alone. We marry their whole family as well. Literally. From genetic point of view. By all means, the in-laws. Be it father-in-law, mother-in-law, brothers & sisters-in-law.

Both of the married (husband & wife) need to respect each other's family. If the husband means to keep the wife at the in-laws' household, he should know how to respect his wife's feelings. The husband needs to guard his wife's feelings & his relatives' so that nobody will get hurt. Parents are still the no.1 priority for the husband even when he is married. But it does not mean he should abandon the wife or neglect the wife's needs whenever his parents needed help. He should balance both of the party in order to keep them in perfect harmony. Whatever seems to be not right for the husband to correct his wife in front of his parents should be abstained and vice versa. The act of correcting both parties in front of each other has sadly become the biggest hurdle in modern world household. Sadly most husbands do neglect their wives when his parents specifically his mother meddle with his marriage.

This matter does not only focus on the husband. Wife should understand as well. Husbands' obligation are still tied to his parents even after when they are dead. A piece of advice to the wives, be patient. No good deeds goes unrewarded. This is a promise from Allah SWT. Patience is by far the biggest & easiest deed any Muslim could perform. If a wife lives with the in-laws, she need to have an infinity threshold of patience. When a wife move in with the in-laws, she will start to imagine the worst that could happen.

Well, don't.

Don't have any imagination or expectations for what will you receive from your in-laws. Remember they are strangers to you as you are strangers to them. How do you manage to be friends with strangers ? Trust. Build trust. Show them respect. They are elderly. We heard this over and over again since we are toddlers. Respect the elderly. Show the utmost respect that you could possibly show. Treat them the same way as you treat your parents. Take proper care of them. Entertain them in any way you are capable of. For example, maybe just have a 10 minute chit chat over tea in the evening. Or keep your room clean & neat. Or do your own laundry. Or tidy your shoe cabinet. Or cook for them once in a while. Take them out for nice lunch or dinner sometime (Not applicable for me, I am still a student but this is an example.) Anything.

Show them you are willing to learn & ready to make changes. Behave properly with your parents-in-law. Speak in pleasant voices, dress modestly at home. Show appropriate attitude. As a new child of them, show them your parents did not fail in teaching you how to respect elderly. Treating your parents-in-law nicely won't get you in trouble. It could win your husband's heart in a swoosh. Even if the parents-in-law does not provide the right treatment with you, you should keep showing an incredible amount of patience & respect for them. Even the hardest heart of Umar Al-Khattab was softened by the power of du'a. Make du'a for them. إن شاء الله

Similar goes to his relatives. But be cautious of the wife's relationship with husband's male relatives and male cousins. Islam does not prohibit any good treatment between the wives and male relatives but there are rules need to be followed and distance kept apart. It is prohibited for the wives to mingle with them freely.

As a hadith of Rasulullah SAW says obtained from www.quranandhadith.com ;

Uqbah bin Amir narrated that Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) said, “Beware of entering upon women.” So a man from the Ansar said, “O Allah’s Messenger (PBUH)! What do you think about the Hamu?” So he said, “The Hamu is death.”

(Hadith No. 1171, Chapters on Suckling, Jami’ At-Tirmidhi, Vol. 2).

Hamu stands for those relatives of the husband who are not Mahram i.e. the brothers, cousins etc. It is disliked for the woman to be alone with them or too close to them. The reason for this is obvious and need not be explained.

JazakAllahu Khayr.

December 19, 2013 No comments

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Today, I would like to write regarding one of The Great Imam, Imam Ahmad B. Hanbal (r.a). A short story of how Imam Ahmad was respected by Jinn during his time.

Story adapted from http://shayaateen.wordpress.com/2011/10/15/imam-ahmad-ordered-the-jinn-to-leave-and-they-responded/

It is related that Imam Ahmad was sitting in his mosque. There came to him one of his companions from the caliph al-Mutawakil. The man said to Ahmad, “In the house of the commander of the Believers, there is a slave-girl who is possessed. He sent me to you for you to pray for her recovery.” Ahmad gave him a pair of wooden shoes and said, “Go to the house of the commander of the believers and sit at the head of the slave girl and say to the jinn, Ahmad has said to you, “Which do you prefer: leaving this slave-girl or being struck by these shoes seventy times?”

The man went with the shoes to the slave girl and he did as he was instructed. He heard from the tongue of the slave-girl, “Listening and obedience is for Ahmad. If he were to order us to leave Iraq, we would leave it. He obeys Allah and for whoever obeys Allah, everything is obedient to him.” It left the slave girl. She became better and afterwards she gave birth to children. Then Ahmad died and the jinn returned again to the slave girl. The commander called the same companion again to come. He came with the same shoes and said to the jinn, “Leave or else I will strike you with this shoe.” The jinn said, “I will not leave nor will I obey you but Ahmad ibn Hanbal obeyed Allah and we were ordered to obey him.”

Source : The World of The Jinn & Devil ( Umar S. Al-Ashqar )

Amazing isn't it ? I cannot grasp the fact that Muslims of the previous time were so pious & fully submitted to Allah SWT that even Jinn were ordered to respect them. How amazing their level of piety is. Compared to the modern world Muslims, it is safe to say that jinn & devil have become an invisible companion in every Muslim's heart. Each day they grow stronger & we grow weaker. More and more Muslims have fallen into their trap. Including me. أستغفر الله

May Allah SWT protects us & guide us in every move. May Allah SWT lead us to the straight path so far away from the jinn & devil. Amin.

JazakAllahu Khayr.

December 17, 2013 No comments

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Assalamualaikum wbt.

My road to marriage.

Many has asked, why did you want to get married so young ? And while both of you are still studying ? Why indeed. Not only uncles & aunties doubted my decision. But my lecturer as well. I still remember one of my lecturer, he was a Biostatistics lecturer said (when I handed him my wedding invitation face to face) , " Both of you are still studying ? Who will feed you then ? " That was a real smack. On my brain. Until now. Friends doubted my decision. Being a friend, I announced my wedding invitation via FB (seems the easiest way to invite people these days). I invited hundreds and hundreds of them. Well, we both did. I thought being friends, most of them would congratulate & be happy for you. Marriage is a big decision. Plus the condition I was currently undergoing. What I didn't know, how wrong my thoughts were. Most of them did congratulate me, الحمد لله. But a number of them did not. And they talked behind my back but in front of me. They were having a group conversation on Twitter mind you.

It started with one person single minded tweet regarding what marriage would become if both of the married do not have any income. I still remember. It has been imprinted. Fresh in my head. Although it happened more than a year ago.

" Alaa, their parents are rich. Surely they could support their child. "

" Getting married, if you don't have a job, if you don't have any money, better you didn't. Bad move. "

" Are you only thinking about getting married ? How about things beyond marriage ? Ever give a thought on that ? "

" They themselves couldn't afford to buy their own groceries, when you are married, are you always going to eat take out ? "

" Yes, granted your parents can afford your wedding ceremony, but you still want your parents to afford your marriage ? Not enough requirements yet… "

" You can't afford to save money for your own ceremony, what guarantee can you give you can afford your marriage later ? "

Dear friends, have you all forgotten this ayah ? Or you have never encounter it before ?

Surat Fatir [35:3]

O mankind, remember the favor of Allah upon you. Is there any creator other than Allah who provides for you from the heaven and earth? There is no deity except Him, so how are you deluded?

Why do I quote this ayah from the Holy Qur'an ? I remembered my friends who said those words have a lot of courtesy from Allah SWT. Yet they failed to see. They still manage to gawk & back lash those they deemed not fit to receive Allah SWT blessings. I am puzzled whether I should list all of the courtesy they received. It is the same as revealing the 'aib of other people? Would Allah SWT cover my 'aib later ? أستغفر الله

Some of them studied overseas. And aces every exam they had. Some of them had a loving, caring family with wealth. Some of them works at large, multidimensional organizations. Some of them managed to afford their own car & house only after several months of working.

Allah SWT has promised each individual will receive their own courtesy from Allah SWT in various forms. Mine is getting married early & I have non-judgemental parents who are willing to support me all way until I finished my studies and have a job. When I first spoke to my parents about wanting to get married, they supported me right away. الحمد لله. This is Allah SWT courtesy to me. To make it easy on my road to marriage. HE also give me wonderful friends that helped me a lot through my wedding & marriage. We still are best friends & I can't wait for them to tie the knot soon. ^^

Allah SWT has provided us with the most beautiful things in our lives. Why must we tarnish it ? HE had promised our own blessings, how could we turn away from HIM and say bad things about it ? I am verily still affected by those words. In fact, whenever I see their faces, I still remember what they said to me more than a year ago. That is how deep the scar is.

However, the bright side of my marriage, my mother-in-law is not an overall healthy person. So yeah, we do takeaways every day ^^ My husband is a great man. He corrects & strengthens my tajweed. And now I can verse better when reading Qur'an الحمد لله. Yes, money-wise, we are still holding on to our parents. But Allah SWT is The Greatest. We did not even once have absolutely no money left. Always Allah SWT is so courteous by giving enough to survive. We do expect difficulties later in life.

As Allah SWT says in Surah Al-Ankabut [29:2-3]

Do the people think that they will be left to say, "We believe" and they will not be tried? But We have certainly tried those before them, and Allah will surely make evident those who are truthful, and He will surely make evident the liars.

Both of us surely did not take things for granted. We are managing & surviving marriage on our own. Decisions are made only in this household of two. Do we not expect hurdles later in life ? Yes we do. But we can do it إن شاء الله . Allah SWT will guide us & help us through.

It's a long post. Forgive me if I ever offend anyone reading this. I am a human & I am filled with flaws. I do not intend to hurt anyone with my writing. All the good things come from Allah SWT. All the bad things come from me.

JazakAllahu Khayr.

December 16, 2013 1 comments

December 16, 2013 No comments

About me

Follow Us

Anis Discovers

recent posts

Blog Archive

Disclaimer