Being A Wife. Part One.
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Assalamualaikum wbt.
Being a wife.
Part 1.
This entry have several parts. Because I still haven't decide what should make of a "Being A Wife". But I miss writing. Hehe. Here goes the entry. Basically when we marry someone, we does not marry him/her alone. We marry their whole family as well. Literally. From genetic point of view. By all means, the in-laws. Be it father-in-law, mother-in-law, brothers & sisters-in-law.
Both of the married (husband & wife) need to respect each other's family. If the husband means to keep the wife at the in-laws' household, he should know how to respect his wife's feelings. The husband needs to guard his wife's feelings & his relatives' so that nobody will get hurt. Parents are still the no.1 priority for the husband even when he is married. But it does not mean he should abandon the wife or neglect the wife's needs whenever his parents needed help. He should balance both of the party in order to keep them in perfect harmony. Whatever seems to be not right for the husband to correct his wife in front of his parents should be abstained and vice versa. The act of correcting both parties in front of each other has sadly become the biggest hurdle in modern world household. Sadly most husbands do neglect their wives when his parents specifically his mother meddle with his marriage.
This matter does not only focus on the husband. Wife should understand as well. Husbands' obligation are still tied to his parents even after when they are dead. A piece of advice to the wives, be patient. No good deeds goes unrewarded. This is a promise from Allah SWT. Patience is by far the biggest & easiest deed any Muslim could perform. If a wife lives with the in-laws, she need to have an infinity threshold of patience. When a wife move in with the in-laws, she will start to imagine the worst that could happen.
Well, don't.
Don't have any imagination or expectations for what will you receive from your in-laws. Remember they are strangers to you as you are strangers to them. How do you manage to be friends with strangers ? Trust. Build trust. Show them respect. They are elderly. We heard this over and over again since we are toddlers. Respect the elderly. Show the utmost respect that you could possibly show. Treat them the same way as you treat your parents. Take proper care of them. Entertain them in any way you are capable of. For example, maybe just have a 10 minute chit chat over tea in the evening. Or keep your room clean & neat. Or do your own laundry. Or tidy your shoe cabinet. Or cook for them once in a while. Take them out for nice lunch or dinner sometime (Not applicable for me, I am still a student but this is an example.) Anything.
Show them you are willing to learn & ready to make changes. Behave properly with your parents-in-law. Speak in pleasant voices, dress modestly at home. Show appropriate attitude. As a new child of them, show them your parents did not fail in teaching you how to respect elderly. Treating your parents-in-law nicely won't get you in trouble. It could win your husband's heart in a swoosh. Even if the parents-in-law does not provide the right treatment with you, you should keep showing an incredible amount of patience & respect for them. Even the hardest heart of Umar Al-Khattab was softened by the power of du'a. Make du'a for them. إن شاء الله
Similar goes to his relatives. But be cautious of the wife's relationship with husband's male relatives and male cousins. Islam does not prohibit any good treatment between the wives and male relatives but there are rules need to be followed and distance kept apart. It is prohibited for the wives to mingle with them freely.
As a hadith of Rasulullah SAW says obtained from www.quranandhadith.com ;
Uqbah bin Amir narrated that Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) said, “Beware of entering upon women.” So a man from the Ansar said, “O Allah’s Messenger (PBUH)! What do you think about the Hamu?” So he said, “The Hamu is death.”
(Hadith No. 1171, Chapters on Suckling, Jami’ At-Tirmidhi, Vol. 2).
Hamu stands for those relatives of the husband who are not Mahram i.e. the brothers, cousins etc. It is disliked for the woman to be alone with them or too close to them. The reason for this is obvious and need not be explained.
JazakAllahu Khayr.
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