What Makes A Strong Relationship, Stronger.
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Assalamualaikum wbt.
While I am perfectly happy & content with my husband, I do sometimes feel he is getting under my skin, in everything he does. Sometimes I feel what ever he does, is wrong & I do feel annoyed. You shouldn't feel that way in marriage right ? These always happen when we met & stayed together for a longer period. I do feel bad after my temper. I do apologise to him after.
After several cycles of getting mad & apologising, I realised, there is something wrong with me. I sort to find out what it is. And I do found the answers now.
I realised, when we met, we are too happy & too content. We do our 5-a-day prayers. But that was it. We didn't wake up for early morning prayers like we do when we were staying apart, we didn't read the holy Quran after each prayer. We were too busy, cuddling with ourselves. I found an explanation of why marriage tend to crumble apart after a while. We were too busy, we forgot Allah SWT is The One granting us spouses. We forgot to please Him, in turn, He make us can't please each other.
This citation from this blog is my wake up call. I will improve myself insyaAllah. We will improvise together. InsyaAllah.
By: ciibroadcasting.com
Over the years, counsellors and therapists have developed a range of techniques to diagnose problematic marriages.
“Are you to the point that your spouse just can’t do anything right, does everything they do get under your skin? Does everything lead to an argument? Would you rather be anywhere than with your spouse? Are thoughts of divorce running through your mind on a regular basis?”
These are just some from a series of questions professionals would typically ask troubled spouses to get the ball rolling towards marital healing, reconciliation or justice.
For Muslims in such compromising marital situations however, as important as these questions undoubtedly are, one matter of diagnosis would still be deemed weightier.
“Is the couple performing their Salaah?”
Speaking to Cii Radio’s Ulama in Focus recently, Sheikh Mukhtar Raban of Port Elizabeth said this was the default starting point Ulama in his organisation used when handling matters of marital conflict amongst Muslims.
“Before you are going to complain about your spouse and how he or she is such a terrible individual, we first ask: ‘Are you obeying Allah SWT? How regular are you on your Salaah? If we find there is a spiritual deficiency and you are not pleasing Allah SWT, then we take you back to the very basis of marriage,” the Aalim said.
He explained that couples should understand that Allah SWT will only bestow Mawaddah(intense love) and Rahmah(eternal mercy) on the couple that pleases him. In cases of marital turbulence, Raban urged reflection on the Ayaat contained in the Nikaah Khutbah.
“These verses quoted in the Nikaah Khutbah are there strategically to remind us of the importance of Taqwa(Allah Consciousness) in our marriages. We need to firstly please Allah SWT to receive this understanding and live this romance and fairytale life with our partners. If we are not – if we have cut Allah off and are disobeying him – and we are trying to find happiness in this creation of Allah, then we will be beset with troubles. The food won’t taste good, the spouse won’t appear attractive..Suddenly, all these become mountains in your eyes. But if you worship Allah SWT, He will bestow such love between you that all such trivial matters will be taken for what they are.”
Stemming from the Quraanic parable that spouses should be garments for one another, and the Hadeeth that anoints every individual as a shepherd over those whom they have been endowed with responsibility, Ulama say spouses should be well-wishers for each-other’s spirituality. They should advise each other on proper observance of Islamic tenets and do Ta’leem regularly to learn the Deen together. It is also recommended for them to occasionally pray together.
Regarding the Tahajjud Salaah, Sayyidina Abu Hurairah RA quoted the Prophet (SAW) as saying:
“May Allah bless the man who gets up during the night to pray and wakes up his wife and who, if she refuses to get up, sprinkles water on her face. And may Allah bless the woman who gets up during the night to pray and wakes up her husband and who, if he refuses, sprinkles water on his face.” (Ahmad)
As has been commonly advised: A couple who prays and plays together, will (Insha Allah) stay together.
“Sometimes when we get married, ” concludes Raban, “we are so overwhelmed with our partners, we forget that it is Allah SWT who granted us this partner. So have a connection with Allah SWT, and then everything else will fall into place.”
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